It has been quite a crazy few weeks since my last post. Lots to blog about but what is weighing heaviest on my heart is the loss of my brother in law, Jose Manuel “Joe” Torres.
Joe was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma just 4 days before A was born. He had been feeling sick for a while but the doctors were unable to come to a clear diagnosis. By that time he was already at a Stage 3. He spent the last 20 months undergoing chemotherapy treatments and a bone marrow transplant. It was an extremely difficult and trying time for the entire family. But, Joe was a fighter, always in everything he did.
For my own memories and grief process, I need to document what all happened in the final days of Joes life.
On Friday, March 11th Joe went to the hospital due to some pains he had. He was told that he may need his gallbladder removed and that there was a probability his cancer was back. (at the end of January we were told he was cancer free as a result of his bone marrow transplant) He voluntarily checked himself out of the hospital with the promise to return on Monday for more testing. He spent the weekend cooking and freezing meals for his girlfriend and their daughter. He knew he wouldn’t be coming home for a while and that’s just the kind of guy he was. On Monday morning, his condition was getting worse so he headed to the hospital with my mother in law. That week he underwent many tests and scans to determine exactly what the problems were. It was a race against the clock as some of his major organs were not functioning properly.
On Sunday, March 20th we were given the news that Joe was being moved to the CCU. His liver was beginning to fail and things were not looking good. L took that news very hard and spent most of the morning in tears. He went to church where our church family spent time in prayer for us and our family and headed to the hospital right after our service was over. He spent the entire day and night with his mom and brother, family and friends were in and out most of the day praying with the family and spending time with Joe. I got updates from our friends that went to support L. The one thing I remember hearing most was, The doctors are saying that his organs are failing but it is so hard to believe because Joe is still laughing and smiling and telling us he’ll be going home in a few days, it just doesn’t add up.
Monday morning, March 22nd I was on my way to the Minute Clinic to get my ears checked out when L called me and said that Joe had just called their mom and said he’s scared. My MIL was not allowed to spend the night at the hospital since he was in the CCU so she had gone to spend the night with Ls older brother. Since our office is around the corner from the hospital L headed straight there and asked that I join him. I panicked knowing that this didn’t sound good and this would be my first up close experience with death. I called my dad and asked him to pray with me and called my best friend to ask her advice (she was by her husbands side when his mom passed and I needed to know how to be there for mine). I cried all the way down the interstate, composed myself and had someone from work drop me off at the hospital. When I arrived Joe was struggling to breathe but we chatted for a few and when my Mother in Law and Brother in Law arrived I went to the waiting room so they could get news from the doctor. Basically, the doctors told them that Joes kidneys and liver were failing as a result of a disease that he could have gotten because of the intense chemo and bone marrow transplant. They could help his kidneys, but they were sorry there was nothing they could do for his liver. This started a fire storm of texts and phone calls to get the closest family in to see Joe. As the day progressed we were told that he had only a 20% chance of survival but that he was a fighter so we held on to that hope until the team of doctors from the Cancer hospital came and said there was nothing more they could do to help him and even if he survived the infection there would still be no treatment for his liver. We were told he would survive only 1-3 days more. We were crushed. Just a few hours earlier he had to be intubated because he was struggling so much to breathe and he was sedated, so we would hear his voice or see his smile no more.
I have to stop hear to take a breather, as it is still very much fresh for me. There is just so much to tell I think I’ll extend this into more than one post. More to come soon.
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