Perfection

So, I started this blog almost 3 years ago and my main goal was two-fold. First off, I wanted a way to record our memories that didn’t involve scrapbook paper, glue sticks and hours of labor and secondly, to offer our family and friends a way to keep up with what we’re up to and how our kids are growing up. I started out doing just that, until the bug hit, no, not the flu bug. Another type of bug, a bug that holds me hostage from being all that I can be. It’s the bug of perfectionism. Perfectionism? What could possibly be wrong with that? Well allow me to enlighten you.

I am what I would consider a Radical perfectionist, the type where it’s either all or nothing. The kind of perfectionist who is either perfectly clean or perfectly messy, my house is either spotless or a disaster zone. There is no in-between with me. And messes make me crabby so just imagine how pleasant I am when things get left undone. In addition to being a perfectionist I also have a love of reading and learning. Actually, about a year ago I took the Strength Finders test as a part of a church leadership meeting. It's a pretty interesting test and gives you some great insight on who you are and how you work. Well anyway, my top strength was Input, here's a brief description given in the book:

Input

People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

So what does any of that have to do with blogging? Everything and nothing all at the same time. You see I made it everything when it is actually nothing. Because of my Input “gift” I spend a lot of time reading blogs and websites in my spare time. I learn a lot, but because of my perfectionist “gene” I also compare A LOT. (I just got a tear in my eye so I think I’m about to open up here) I stopped blogging because I know I don’t write “good enough” or my blog header wasn’t “pretty enough” or my pictures weren’t “good enough” or because my weight wasn’t where I wanted it to be, or because I wasn’t “funny enough” and finally I think I really believed that I just wasn’t “enough” for anyone. Deep, I know. You see perfectionism can really keep a person like me away from goals and dreams because all you see is how many ways you can fail instead of how many ways you can succeed. I have lots of dreams, but not one of them has become a goal with a plan because I just know I’ll fail or not be good enough.

But I’m tired of that, I know I’m enough because God says I am, because my children and my husband treat me like I am and because I have lots of friends and family who love me just the way I am and want to see my dreams come true. I feel like I need to blog, and while I still intend on using this blog to document our lives,our projects and our trips, this year I want to document my road to overcoming perfectionism. I want to make a written record of how God is going to work through me this year and break down my walls and my fears. I want to be Real, and I think I’m pretty awesome at being me. I’m going to start by not proofreading this post.

Grace & Love,