Jose Manuel Torres

It has been quite a crazy few weeks since my last post. Lots to blog about but what is weighing heaviest on my heart is the loss of my brother in law, Jose Manuel “Joe” Torres.

Joe was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma just 4 days before A was born. He had been feeling sick for a while but the doctors were unable to come to a clear diagnosis. By that time he was already at a Stage 3. He spent the last 20 months undergoing chemotherapy treatments and a bone marrow transplant. It was an extremely difficult and trying time for the entire family. But, Joe was a fighter, always in everything he did.

For my own memories and grief process, I need to document what all happened in the final days of Joes life.

On Friday, March 11th Joe went to the hospital due to some pains he had. He was told that he may need his gallbladder removed and that there was a probability his cancer was back. (at the end of January we were told he was cancer free as a result of his bone marrow transplant) He voluntarily checked himself out of the hospital with the promise to return on Monday for more testing. He spent the weekend cooking and freezing meals for his girlfriend and their daughter. He knew he wouldn’t be coming home for a while and that’s just the kind of guy he was. On Monday morning, his condition was getting worse so he headed to the hospital with my mother in law. That week he underwent many tests and scans to determine exactly what the problems were. It was a race against the clock as some of his major organs were not functioning properly.

On Sunday, March 20th we were given the news that Joe was being moved to the CCU. His liver was beginning to fail and things were not looking good. L took that news very hard and spent most of the morning in tears. He went to church where our church family spent time in prayer for us and our family and headed to the hospital right after our service was over. He spent the entire day and night with his mom and brother, family and friends were in and out most of the day praying with the family and spending time with Joe. I got updates from our friends that went to support L. The one thing I remember hearing most was, The doctors are saying that his organs are failing but it is so hard to believe because Joe is still laughing and smiling and telling us he’ll be going home in a few days, it just doesn’t add up. 

Monday morning, March 22nd I was on my way to the Minute Clinic to get my ears checked out when L called me and said that Joe had just called their mom and said he’s scared. My MIL was not allowed to spend the night at the hospital since he was in the CCU so she had gone to spend the night with Ls older brother. Since our office is around the corner from the hospital L headed straight there and asked that I join him. I panicked knowing that this didn’t sound good and this would be my first up close experience with death. I called my dad and asked him to pray with me and called my best friend to ask her advice (she was by her husbands side when his mom passed and I needed to know how to be there for mine). I cried all the way down the interstate, composed myself and had someone from work drop me off at the hospital. When I arrived Joe was struggling to breathe but we chatted for a few and when my Mother in Law and Brother in Law arrived I went to the waiting room so they could get news from the doctor. Basically, the doctors told them that Joes kidneys and liver were failing as a result of a disease that he could have gotten because of the intense chemo and bone marrow transplant. They could help his kidneys, but they were sorry there was nothing they could do for his liver. This started a fire storm of texts and phone calls to get the closest family in to see Joe. As the day progressed we were told that he had only a 20% chance of survival but that he was a fighter so we held on to that hope until the team of doctors from the Cancer hospital came and said there was nothing more they could do to help him and even if he survived the infection there would still be no treatment for his liver. We were told he would survive only 1-3 days more. We were crushed. Just a few hours earlier he had to be intubated because he was struggling so much to breathe and he was sedated, so we would hear his voice or see his smile no more.

I have to stop hear to take a breather, as it is still very much fresh for me. There is just so much to tell I think I’ll extend this into more than one post. More to come soon. 

My poor little baby

Thanks so much to everyone for your thoughts, concerns and prayers. It’s been a long and emotional 24 hours but I’ve had lots of calls, messages and texts asking for an update and this is probably the best way to reach all my friends and family so here we go:


L stayed home with A yesterday because she had been running a low grade fever since the night before and she was just overall uncomfortable and whiny. We thought she might be teething so we gave her Tylenol and called the Dr. just to be sure. They told us to watch it and if it went close to 102 or over 24 hours to bring her in. By the time I got home from work she was still really whiny and had spent most the day sleeping or eating. It broke my heart to see her so miserable, she didn’t even smile when she saw C and that’s usually when she gets the most giggly. It was so sad, C told me he’d rather him be sick than her (He loves her so much).

As I was changing her diaper later that evening I felt her head and noticed that her soft spot (fontanelle) was hard and bulging out. That coupled with her other symptoms concerned me (google is not your best friend when it comes to infant illness) so I called the after hours nurse from her pediatrician. They told us to take her straight to Arnold Palmers Childrens Hospital; we called my parents to come get C and we headed out. The ER was pretty busy when we got there so we settled in and waited. They were triaging all the patients and sending them back to the waiting room. When it was our turn for triage they took As temperature first and my heart dropped when it was at 103. They rushed to give her Motrin and didn’t even bother sending us back to the waiting room. They put us in a room right away. The Dr. came in to see us shortly after and assessed As head and told us that her symptoms are the primary symptoms of Meningitis so they would need to do a couple tests one of which was a spinal tap. My eyes started welling up as soon as she told us. Right away they put an Isolation sign on our door and everyone that came in had to wear a surgical mask.

Only one of us could go her for the X-ray and CT scan so L went while I stayed in the room updated my parents and prayed. Once they returned they put in the catheter and that was so miserable, she cried so hard. Since A was born she has barely cried. She whines when she’s hungry but rarely gets to an all out cry, so this was killing us. I had to hold her down amidst tears while they tried to put in the IV and take blood. The nurse poked her once in both arms and still didn’t get what she needed and they started looking at the veins in her head. Thankfully they asked another nurse to try and she was successful. By now A was sucking on her paci so hard because she was hungry but we couldn’t feed her until after the spinal tap. They gave her some fluid via the IV and she seemed to calm down a little. She was in and out of sleep the whole time we waited for the doctors to come back and do the spinal tap. We were both so nervous for what we knew she was about to go through.

Her fever went down as did the swelling and she started to look a little better. When the doctors arrived for the spinal tap they told us we couldn’t stay because it was a sterile procedure. I was partly relieved because I didn't think I could handle any more pain inflicted on her, but partly heart broken because I didn’t want her to be without us. They took me and L to a waiting room clear on the other side of the hospital and we prayed together while we waited. The nurse came and got us and told us that she did really well and even fell asleep half way through.

Just in case they ran some antibiotics through her IV while we waited for the results. A and I fell asleep together while we waited the 2 hours. The doctor came in and let us know that the Meningitis test was negative- Thank God!!! But they still had no answer to why her fontanelle was swollen or why her fever spiked so high. They gave us lots of paperwork to take to her pediatrician today for a follow up shot of antibiotics and for a course of action. She also let us know that her pediatrician might want her to get an MRI for which she would need to be sedated. UGH!

We got home at 4:30 this morning, just as my alarm clock was going off for me to get up for work. A was still whiny so the only way we could get some sleep was to put her in the bed with us. We slept a few hours and called the doctor for an appointment. When we woke up she still had a fever and her fontanelle was still swollen but she looked 100% better. She woke up laughing and smiling and we felt such a sense of relief. When we took her to the doctor she no longer had a fever or swelling but after all she went through last night she cried as soon as I put her on the scale and it went on that way every time they touched her. The doctor still didn’t have any answers but we have to go back tomorrow to get the full results of the spinal tap which takes 2 days. The type of antibiotic she got at the hospital required a follow up shot so even after all she went through she had to get one more shot. She was a trooper though and did well.

We’re still praying for answers, I’m not willing to take this as just a fluke. Hopefully we’ll know something soon. I’m thankful that God has continued to prove how big he is and how powerful prayer is. Thanks again for all the messages, texts and prayer we truly are surrounded by an amazing group of friends and family.